So today has been a pretty good day. I got the kids to bed early without a fight (yay!!). Lately the kids and I have been fighting every night at bedtime. I try to get them down and they fight me the whole way. It takes me hours to get them down. But tonight they’re asleep and I have a few hours to myself to work on my new book. But I’m not getting much work accomplished instead I’ve been easily distracted. Tim has been working a lot (16 hours a day), and it’s not his choice, but because he has to so that we can get caught back up on all our bills. Every time we think that we’re getting straightened back out, something else comes up and we’re right back were we started. And for any one reading this who has a spouse working like this, you know what I’m talking about when I say that all these long hours take a toll on a marriage. We have no time together, except for the weekend (which he spends one day playing air soft (like paintball) with his friends. And while I don’t care, I know he needs time out that doesn’t involve work, it means that he spends less time with me.) and we don’t talk except for the fifteen minutes twice a day on the phone. He gets home after midnight while I’m asleep, and then gets up at 8:00 heads out to work at 8:45 and the cycle begins all over again. So I think I’m finally feeling the pinch because I just miss my husband, and I’m starting to feel like something is missing. We’re wanting to start trying to get pregnant next month (assuming that once my gyno does the ultrasound everything comes back good… I’ve had some problems), and while I have my heart set on having another baby, I am afraid that by doing so it will put an even more strain on our marriage. We have a strong marriage, and have survived a lot in our 8 years together 5 of those legally married. (A year to the day before our wedding, we had a ceremony just between the two of us where we said our vows. I was only 17 at the time, but I knew that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with..) And this is nothing like we’ve been through before, we’ve been through so much worse. We’ll get through this as we always do, but nevertheless, it’s still hard. I hate that he has to work so much.

I could go back to work, and I’ve offered to do so, but Tim doesn’t really want me to, he wants me home with our kids. And to be honest, that’s where I want to be. Some stay at home moms may take for granted the joy that they get to stay home with their kids everyday. But I don’t. I know the sacrafice that my husband makes everyday so that I can stay home here with the kids. Before we had kids we were both working. And then about 2 months in to my first pregnancy I had to quit my job because of complications. And Tim said that it was for the best, and we decided together that I would stay home. At first it was easy, but over the years, we’ve accumulated more bills, as most couples do. So I thank him everyday for working as hard as he does so that I can stay home with our wonderful children and work on pursuing my writing career. However, I am looking into going back to school this fall to pursue my other dream (to be a preschool teacher). And once again Tim supports me whole heartedly. He is the most wonderful man I know, he’s supporting, loving, a wonderful husband and dad. Our kids miss him so much, and I’m sure you see why I do too… I hope he truly knows how much the kids and I love him for the things he does for us….