I’m trying to get some work done on my new book (I do have a deadline that I’d like to meet) but I can’t seem to concentrate. Everytime the home phone rings I’m expecting it to be Dale again. And he’s the last person I want to talk to, and yet he is the person I want to talk to at the same time. There’s only on reason I want to talk to him, and that’s to find out what his agenda is. I know he’s up to something, I know it.. (I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record, I’ve said this in about 4 blogs now). But you really just have to know him. He’s always working one angle or another (or at least with me anyways), and he has to know that I’m not buying the whole “you number keeps showing up on my cell” story. I mean, maybe last Sunday I might have bought it, but then he calls last night too and said it showed up 6 times and that he was concerned about me. Bull shit! I don’t buy it. I know he’s working an angle, waiting for his moment to catch me off guard. He’s meticulous and kaniving, he sits and waits for the perfect opportunity to strike, regardless of how long it takes… God, I just wish I knew what he wanted. And no I wont even consider the possibility of calling him and asking him what he wants, because then that only throws more fuel to the fire. I’ll wait him out, I know he’ll eventually call again, or even show up.. And the later scares me.

If he shows up in person, I’m not sure what he’d do. After all, he raped my friend over 8 years ago (when he was a freshman in high school), and now he’s supposed to be some big MMA (mixed martial arts) fighter. He’s told me before that if necessary that he could easily take my husband out either by himself or with his friends… (Now I know my husband could take him easily in a one on one fight, cause hubby hates him and when he’s really ANGRY nothing stops him, but I’m not sure what would happen if a bunch of Dale’s MMA friends jumped him…) I’m not really so scared of him actually physically hurting me (I mean I am a bit scared of that), but it’s mostly me afraid of what he does to me mentally.. I know I’m stronger now than I was a year ago, but I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to go up against him again. I did that last year and honestly it nearly killed me. I started drinking and I let my eating disorder come back because of him and his stupid mind games.. And that scares me, because I don’t want to be reduced to that person again, I want to be stronger, but I’m not sure if I am. Dale is an excellent manipulater when it comes to the mind games, but I don’t want to be suckered back into that again. But I can already tell that I am… Look at me, instead of working on my book, I’m sitting here unable to concentrate on that, and blogging about him… Why couldn’t he have just stayed dead to me? Why does he have to keep calling me?