I am so stressed! Today I had a wonderful day planned for my children and me. And it started going as planned. But as anyone who has preschoolers knows you can never have a day work out exactly as you planned. About an hour ago my father-in-law called looking for my husband. Well, I called hubby (who had went into work earlier than his scheduled time which is 3:30) and told him that his dad was trying to reach him. Well a little while later hubby called me back with actually pretty good news. It turns out that my father-in-law was giving hubby an update on the house that we are trying to buy with my father-in-laws help. So it seems that things are moving along and we hope to hear some good news soon. So then I try to make lunch for the kids. Bad idea! I get lunch made and then the kids begin to fight, yell, and fight some more. Meanwhile, in the middle of trying to referee fights I am online looking for a work-from-home job. So I’m trying to research and instead of doing that I have to keep yelling at the kids to eat lunch instead of fighting. So now the kids are in their rooms serving their time outs and I’m sitting here at the computer trying to not have a panic attack.. I have so much on my plate right now. I’m trying to work through my past, hoping to get our own house, stressing over money, working on a book, taking classes, and trying to be a good mother and wife. And to be honest sometimes I feel like I’m failing in it all.

Oh, and too beat it all I have to go back to the gynecologist next Tuesday. I went to her a few months ago when I realized that one of my breasts were considerably larger than the other and found what felt like a lump. It turned out to be nothing (Thank God), but she found something else. It turns out I have severe scaring and erosion on my cervix, now she said this is sometimes normal after child birth, but sometimes it gets better on it’s own. In my case it hasn’t. So I went back to her last month and she checked it again and it was just a bit better but not much. So next week she’s going to run a light on me to see just how bad it is. Depending on how bad it is I have a few options, one she can somehow freeze my cervix, minimizing any additional scarring, an other option is to burn my cervix (yes this sounds excruciatingly painful). This method however has been known to leave bad scarring and reduce my chances of getting pregnant if I ever wanted to have more kids. So this makes me very nervous, Tim and I had planned on having one maybe two more kids, but when facing this I’m not sure if that will happen… So more stress… Today is just one of those days for me…. Oh well, more later! Bye!